Why Does The Cranky PM Exist?

The PM industry has a problem, and it's not what you think.

The problem isn't that teams are bad at execution. The problem isn't that stakeholders are unreasonable. The problem isn't that agile doesn't work or that remote work is hard.

The problem is that an entire consulting industrial complex has convinced you that your problems are your fault for "not doing it right," while selling you increasingly elaborate solutions to problems they've never actually solved themselves.

The Process Theatre Industrial Complex

Walk into any PM conference and count how many speakers have actually shipped a product in the last five years. I'll wait.

Most PM thought leadership comes from people who've spent more time talking about product management than doing it. They write blog posts about "customer-centric development" from companies that haven't talked to a customer since 2019. They sell frameworks for "agile transformation" to teams that are already more agile than the consultants teaching them.

Meanwhile, you're out here actually trying to ship things, manage stakeholders, and keep teams functional while drowning in advice from people who've never had to explain to an angry customer why their feature request became a six-month "discovery process".

What's Actually Broken

Your daily standup isn't broken because you're bad at facilitation. It's broken because you're running status theatre instead of problem-solving sessions.

Your backlog isn't unmanageable because you need better prioritization frameworks. It's unmanageable because you're hoarding feature fantasies instead of focusing on real user problems.

Your team isn't struggling with "alignment" because you need more meetings. They're struggling because leadership keeps changing priorities without changing timelines.

These aren't process problems that need process solutions. They're leadership and strategy problems disguised as operational issues.

The Real Problems Nobody Talks About

Process Overhead Is Killing Productivity: Your teams spend 40% of their time in ceremonies that produce zero user value. Sprint planning takes longer than sprints. Retrospectives identify the same problems every quarter without fixing them.

Tool Addiction Instead of Problem Solving: You've got seventeen different productivity tools that don't talk to each other, requiring manual data entry that a summer intern could automate with an afternoon of API work.

Strategy theatre Instead of Strategy: Your roadmaps are fiction, your OKRs are performance art, and your "data-driven decisions" are cherry-picked metrics that support predetermined conclusions.

Communication That Optimizes for Looking Busy: Your status updates are novels nobody reads. Your meetings exist to schedule other meetings. Your documentation is comprehensive archaeological records of every decision nobody remembers making.

Why Everything Else Fails

Most PM advice treats symptoms instead of causes. It gives you better ways to manage dysfunction instead of eliminating the dysfunction.

"Here's a better retrospective format" instead of "why are you having the same retrospective problems every sprint?"

"Here's a stakeholder management framework" instead of "why are your stakeholders confused about basic project scope?"

"Here's an agile transformation methodology" instead of "why is your current process so broken that you need to transform it?"

The advice industry has a vested interest in keeping your problems complicated. Simple solutions don't sell consulting engagements, certification programs, or software licenses.

What Cranky PM Actually Does

We cut through the bullshit and fix what's actually broken.

No frameworks that require a PhD to understand. Simple solutions that work in the real world with real teams and real constraints.

No process improvements that add more overhead. Elimination of unnecessary work so you can focus on valuable work.

No diplomatic language that protects feelings. Direct communication about what's broken and specific steps to fix it.

No theoretical best practices from people who've never done the work. Practical solutions from someone who's been in the trenches and lived to tell about it.

Who This Is For

This is for burnt-out project managers who are tired of being told their problems are their fault for "not following the framework correctly".

This is for product managers who want to build things users actually need instead of managing backlogs of features nobody requested.

This is for developers and designers who are sick of spending more time in meetings about work than doing work.

This is for executives who want to understand why their expensive "agile transformation" made everything slower and more bureaucratic.

This is for anyone who suspects that most project management advice is written by people who've never actually managed a project.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Your process problems aren't process problems. They're leadership problems, strategy problems, and communication problems disguised as operational issues.

You don't need better frameworks. You need the courage to eliminate the frameworks that aren't working.

You don't need more sophisticated tools. You need to use the tools you have to actually solve problems instead of creating elaborate workarounds for problems you're afraid to fix.

You don't need more agile training. You need to stop treating agile like a religion and start treating it like a set of principles that either help you ship better products or don't.

What Success Actually Looks Like

When you fix what's actually broken instead of optimizing what sounds good in meetings:

• Your teams spend time building things instead of talking about building things

• Your stakeholders trust your updates because they're honest and useful

• Your processes exist to solve problems, not to justify their own existence

• Your meetings have clear purposes and produce actual decisions

• Your tools work together to save time instead of creating more work

This isn't revolutionary. It's just honest.

Ready to Stop Pretending?

If you're tired of process theatre and ready for process solutions, welcome to Cranky PM.

We're not here to make you feel better about your broken processes. We're here to help you fix them.

Because the only thing worse than admitting your processes are broken is continuing to pretend they work.